The recent arrest of an elderly man for having sex in a nursing home with his wife highlights the importance of advanced medical planning. In this case, the wife had been diagnosed with dementia, but even people who have lost the ability to handle their finances and make medical decisions, may still be able to consent to intimacy. It is not clear from the media reports whether or not this 78 year old man is cognitively intact.
With more and more of the boomers getting to retirement age, living with cognitive impairment and needing care will occur with increasing frequency. If you want to age at home and have the money to pay the cost, then you should draft documents spelling this out. If you want your spouse to be able to be intimate with you as long as it does not cause you distress, you should draft documents clearly stating your wishes.
While in the Iowa case, the jury did not convict this man, the pain, humiliation and costs of defending himself against charges of felony sexual assault serve as a wake-up call for us to plan so that our wishes are known and so that family members are protected. Not to be missed when thinking about this case is the fact that it was the woman’s daughters from her prior marriage that raised the issue resulting in the arrest of their mother’s husband. Blended families beware.