As people live longer and often need help, society is grappling with what to do for us and with us. While some situations may require appointment of a guardian, most people just need assistance or oversight.
Too often it seems that guardianship actions are being commenced by family members either thinking they are helping their older relative or in an effort to gain control over the person’s finances. Guardianship should be the action of last resort. Most of the time there are good or adequate less restrictive measures that can be put in-place rather than risking losing control over a loved ones life.
Nearly every client and patient I have ever met who is in the midst of a guardianship proceeding or who has been through one feels angry. devalued, and humiliated. Their loss of dignity and sense of person-hood is immense and rarely appreciated. No longer a person, the newly deemed incapacitated are now “Wards”. Even this term hearkens back to an unsophisticated time when there was no effective treatment for mental illness. Every “ward” is or was a loved one to someone. Getting old should not mean growing in fear of losing one’s privacy and constitutional rights to live the way one wants to live.
Where possible, individuals should be supported in remaining in their homes with whatever assistance is needed. People with significant financial means should have their monies managed by trust officers with a fiduciary duty to preserve and allocate funds appropriately. Support for the person’s medical and life needs can and should be provided by skilled and caring people who are licensed health care professionals with appropriate oversight.
Where guardianship is necessary, different people or entities should manage the personal issues and the financial ones. No one person should have total control over another – ever. Lastly, and most importantly, everyone needs to think through who they would want to make their personal life decisions if they become unable to do so themselves. This decision needs to be memorialized in writing and notarized. Ideally, it is part of comprehensive estate planning.
Let’s try to be a little kinder to each other. We will all be old someday and remember we are teaching our kids and other young people how to treat us.